the eyes have it

My life is all about the visual. It always has been. In my daily work I focus on art and visuals (how lucky I am in my work) and I spend time in a gorgeous 30,000 square foot visual art center with many other creative souls of all disciplines.

As an artist I am always looking for that next visual reference... a curve of a back or arm, a gesture, a casual pose. As a creative soul I look for the beauty in every moment, a sunny (or cloudy) day, shades of green seen only in nature, beautiful scenery and wildlife in the most outrageous colors, the riotous color of a crowded city street. I am one of those who believes every human being is beautiful in one way or another, each person unique and special somehow. Everybody young and old is a painting.

In museums, gardens and galleries I can (and often do) become visually overloaded with information because I am taking everything in, including the setting and people around me. The memory issues associated with PTSD never have affected my visual memory, and that is a huge blessing and something I am grateful for every day. I remember the most amazing visuals with acute detail, and perhaps that is why I have not carried around a sketchbook everywhere more often in my life.

On adventures with Virginia there are camera days, and 'being' days, and sometimes I don't know which sort of day it will be until I am in the middle of it. My floral paintings are as much about the smells and sounds that surrounded the original view of the flower as they are about the flower itself. The calla studies are all about the feeling of Southern California and Northern Mexico... the clear light, richness of color, and peace that I found there. I think it must be that way for many artists, but I have never asked any artist friends the question. I assume that applies to writers and musicians too....... it is all a part of the same pie. I will never have the opportunity to paint all the paintings waiting to be painted in my head.

I am most grateful for my eyes that see and my hands that create, this is the one thing I do that feels right in my soul.... no matter how it is received by others. It is the one journey I was meant to take in this lifetime, a journey inward and outward, all at once. I have been thinking about my creative journey a lot recently, brought on by some recent events. The self-doubt that has always plagued every other aspect of my life has never encroached here, and I am working through some thoughts and feelings through introspection.

Some who read here regularly know what this is all about.... but the details don't really matter, they just are. They still feel too tender to talk about too much. I have been given a gift of clarity and an opportunity to take my creative journey in any direction that I choose to, and some soul-searching never hurt anybody :) much. I have often heard it said that artists and creative types FEEL things so much more than other people, a gift and sometimes a curse I would think.

Above all else I am an artist, and have seen with these same eyes through lifetimes, and that will not change. What I do with this gift is up to me, and I choose (as I always do) to move ever forward.... a little older, hopefully wiser each year, a compilation of my experiences and circumstances - but never a victim of them.

Life is grand.


the Artsy Essay for May

twilight picnic

Life with Virginia has always been one surprise after another, and the last couple of days have been no exception. On Wednesday a lady dropped by my office with a huge vase of long-stemmed red roses, and yesterday, another lady walked in with a big basket of chocolates and a mylar balloon bouncing around. A friend had just stopped by to see me and she laughed in delight at this second delivery. Early yesterday morning Virginia and I traded gifts and cards in our pajamas before our respective days started.

To celebrate our fourth anniversary I suggested we take a picnic dinner to our wedding park and the very pavilion deep in the woods where we held our joining and picnic celebration four years ago. This park is a special place, and coming to this peaceful spot always gives me comfort. We had a wonderful, quiet picnic in the filtered light of the trees, and we talked about nothing and everything bundled a bit from the chill.

There is more celebrating to come and life is good, with more adventures around each corner.

the cicada wedding - happy anniversary Virginia

Today it has been four years since the glorious cicada wedding that celebrated our joining in front of a throng of friends and relatives and followed by a picnic feast and two wedding cakes. It was a day (even I) will never forget.

To find, for the first time in my life, a place where I am loved and respected and cherished has taught me lessons and helped me to find the courage to ask for even more happiness in my life. Is my life perfect? No, but I am working on it! ;)

And now, a reprise of the cicada wedding......

the wedding day

thoughts from friends here and here

and the fairy tale that foretold it all (with an appearance by the crows)

butterflies and beetles

A trip to Plaza yesterday to buy a big new canvas to paint on. The piece on the easel is sitting at an impasse at the moment, and starting a new piece will be good for me. There are literally hundreds of wonderful flower reference photos waiting to be painted from the flower show this Spring, and there is a garden up in Pennsylvania that I want to visit again soon to take more pictures.

It is time to shake things off and stretch creatively again, and get back to doing what it is that I love to do. With more time to paint now I can focus on playing with some abstracted mixed media pieces and some off the wall stuff I have been wanting to focus on. (Come to think of it I may need to go back and get some small canvases for another project related to butterflies and beetles!)

May's Artsy Essay

don't fence me in

On our almost fruitless trip to the beach on Saturday we were met with closed roads everywhere.



In our searching for possible access points we even ended up on a long dirt road that ended....



....in a farmer's corn field. I told Virginia that if anybody stopped us, our alibi would be: "we was just checkin' the corn!!!" That phrase has become our new retort when no other words will do.

Padlocked gates to favorite stretches of beach......



Half-hearted attempts at road closure.....



And serious warnings about road closures.....



Several signs about what was around the next corner.....



And some serious new puddles.....



On the way home from the beach, almost at the end of our drive, Virginia asked me a question that got me talking. (Those who know me well know that I bottle a lot of things up inside, and I often don't talk about what is bothering me or what I am thinking.) Her question related to a recent disappointment, something I was pinning some huge hope on, that did not turn out the way I hoped it would. (Not the REALLY BIG NEWS announcement, but that is on hold at the moment waiting STILL for finalization.)

I have been thinking for several days about the outcome of this decision, a decision I have waited many months for... and as is like me, I can find lots of reasons why this outcome may have been the best thing, and I have been absorbing the information I received, as well as thinking about the motivations behind the decision. The particulars don't matter here.... what does matter is that it got me thinking about the direction I am moving in, and what I want to do versus what I think I need to do.

The 'gist', the 'get' of it all is that I need to do more of what I want to do, instead of what it is that I think I need to do.... and that is where the passion lies. This applies to my creative life, my personal life, all facets of my life. I have always been one for duty and responsibility, and doing what is right for everybody else ahead of my needs. In recent years I learned that if you do that long enough, it can kill you. Living differently is what I chose to do 5 1/2 years ago, and I lost everything in the process of finally starting to take care of myself.

Now I figure out how to put these thoughts into action, how to work with the new information and insights afforded by the disappointment, and trying to see where I go from here. It is always a process.


"There is no short-cut to art, one has to work hard, be open and flexible in your mind, keep the child alive inside you, and through a whole lifetime be ready to learn new things and, of course, be mentally prepared for a hard punch on your nose - especially when you think you are doing well." Bente Borsu, Actress

zooming into Monday

My entire day yesterday was spent in the studio finishing new mirrors and boxes and photographing / processing / loading images, as well as packaging everything up for a trip to the gallery shop. I got an email from a good friend here yesterday, inquiring about Artsy Boxes, and as always, if you see something you like here on my blog, or at the website, let me know. Pieces can always be commissioned and I delight in having my art go to people I know!

May's Artsy Essay