don't fence me in
On our almost fruitless trip to the beach on Saturday we were met with closed roads everywhere.
In our searching for possible access points we even ended up on a long dirt road that ended....
....in a farmer's corn field. I told Virginia that if anybody stopped us, our alibi would be: "we was just checkin' the corn!!!" That phrase has become our new retort when no other words will do.
Padlocked gates to favorite stretches of beach......
Half-hearted attempts at road closure.....
And serious warnings about road closures.....
Several signs about what was around the next corner.....
And some serious new puddles.....
On the way home from the beach, almost at the end of our drive, Virginia asked me a question that got me talking. (Those who know me well know that I bottle a lot of things up inside, and I often don't talk about what is bothering me or what I am thinking.) Her question related to a recent disappointment, something I was pinning some huge hope on, that did not turn out the way I hoped it would. (Not the REALLY BIG NEWS announcement, but that is on hold at the moment waiting STILL for finalization.)
I have been thinking for several days about the outcome of this decision, a decision I have waited many months for... and as is like me, I can find lots of reasons why this outcome may have been the best thing, and I have been absorbing the information I received, as well as thinking about the motivations behind the decision. The particulars don't matter here.... what does matter is that it got me thinking about the direction I am moving in, and what I want to do versus what I think I need to do.
The 'gist', the 'get' of it all is that I need to do more of what I want to do, instead of what it is that I think I need to do.... and that is where the passion lies. This applies to my creative life, my personal life, all facets of my life. I have always been one for duty and responsibility, and doing what is right for everybody else ahead of my needs. In recent years I learned that if you do that long enough, it can kill you. Living differently is what I chose to do 5 1/2 years ago, and I lost everything in the process of finally starting to take care of myself.
Now I figure out how to put these thoughts into action, how to work with the new information and insights afforded by the disappointment, and trying to see where I go from here. It is always a process.
"There is no short-cut to art, one has to work hard, be open and flexible in your mind, keep the child alive inside you, and through a whole lifetime be ready to learn new things and, of course, be mentally prepared for a hard punch on your nose - especially when you think you are doing well." Bente Borsu, Actress
In our searching for possible access points we even ended up on a long dirt road that ended....
....in a farmer's corn field. I told Virginia that if anybody stopped us, our alibi would be: "we was just checkin' the corn!!!" That phrase has become our new retort when no other words will do.
Padlocked gates to favorite stretches of beach......
Half-hearted attempts at road closure.....
And serious warnings about road closures.....
Several signs about what was around the next corner.....
And some serious new puddles.....
On the way home from the beach, almost at the end of our drive, Virginia asked me a question that got me talking. (Those who know me well know that I bottle a lot of things up inside, and I often don't talk about what is bothering me or what I am thinking.) Her question related to a recent disappointment, something I was pinning some huge hope on, that did not turn out the way I hoped it would. (Not the REALLY BIG NEWS announcement, but that is on hold at the moment waiting STILL for finalization.)
I have been thinking for several days about the outcome of this decision, a decision I have waited many months for... and as is like me, I can find lots of reasons why this outcome may have been the best thing, and I have been absorbing the information I received, as well as thinking about the motivations behind the decision. The particulars don't matter here.... what does matter is that it got me thinking about the direction I am moving in, and what I want to do versus what I think I need to do.
The 'gist', the 'get' of it all is that I need to do more of what I want to do, instead of what it is that I think I need to do.... and that is where the passion lies. This applies to my creative life, my personal life, all facets of my life. I have always been one for duty and responsibility, and doing what is right for everybody else ahead of my needs. In recent years I learned that if you do that long enough, it can kill you. Living differently is what I chose to do 5 1/2 years ago, and I lost everything in the process of finally starting to take care of myself.
Now I figure out how to put these thoughts into action, how to work with the new information and insights afforded by the disappointment, and trying to see where I go from here. It is always a process.
"There is no short-cut to art, one has to work hard, be open and flexible in your mind, keep the child alive inside you, and through a whole lifetime be ready to learn new things and, of course, be mentally prepared for a hard punch on your nose - especially when you think you are doing well." Bente Borsu, Actress
posted by Judith HeartSong at 6:09 AM
7 Comments:
Sending you a big, over the internet warm fuzzy.
Feed you soul... yours needs your Art :-)
Thank you M........
You know how much that warm fuzzy is appreciated. Thank you for your support and the laughs day to day:)
judi
Hello my friend,
Just stopped by your artist website and I have to say I love the updates you've made. It looks great and it is a wonderful display of your beautiful art. Just had to let you know :-) Have a wonderful night my friend..
(((HUGS)))
Kristal
Life is forever filled with twist and turns in the road ahead. It's kind of amazing you said 51/2 years ago you made a major change in your life. I made mine 5 years ago this June 27th. Neck to neck we are both learning a different way of life and thinking. Life will always present the challenges hon, it's the voice inside us that holds the key to unlocking those doors. I've been listening to that quiet echo that resounds from my heart more and more these days. I wish you more days of lucid happiness and searches for the answers that elude you. For isn't life about discovery in ourselves and the people around us? (Hugs) You and Virginia are in my thoughts always. Indigo
ahhh Kristal, you are VERY observant. We have just been making changes to the art website and some more tweaking is still needed to adjust some new things we have added. Thank you, as always, for your kind attention.
Indigo... yes, we do share parallels and it is always the journey and each individual step toward clarity and grace. The blind curves still present a challenge for me.
I am just lucky to be alive at this point and every day is a bonus.
you are right-- it is definitely a process. and what a beautiful quote!
hugs, my friend, hugs.
♥
I'm so sorry you didn't get to see the Red Knots. Losing everything has got to be tragic but finding yourself.........well, that is just priceless. "They" say when one door closes another opens..........I say, it's the long hallways that are a bitch! Anne
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